Posts
( I'm not certain what this is, but it is what it is and what it is is uncertain. )
Lemme tell ya somethin about trains...
Back before you kids had these fancy interwebbed telephones with your bookieface apps and tweetcall messages we had something called yelling. Let me tell you something: yelling fucking rocks. Try it sometime when its quiet. Library. Home. Gas station. In laws house. Train. You name it, it works.
And it works well. Want someone to pay attention to you? Yell. Want someone to get away? Yell helps there too! Its like the english swiss army knife or some shit. Kinda like auto tune without the auto or the tune...just the anger.
Anyway, so were on this train and this guy yells as loud as he can "HEY!!! FIRST ONE OFF GETS THE SURPRISE!!" So of course I make the mistake of asking "what surprise, fucko?" This guy then wins many awards.
He whips out his dong and starts beatin it...right in front of a pregnant albino lady wearing a green fedora in spring. I know, who the FUCK wears a fedora in spring? So this guys beattin it and the lady says "I've seen bigger."
SHE SAYS I've SEEN BIGGER!!! Hahhhahaha!!! This guys trying to be senile and clever and make a point and the lady says that. Oh man what a boob!
He was red in the face and the palm. I was bored so I turned around and laughed. Nobody heard but me. I didn't care. I knew I could out blast his wad if I wanted to. Fuck it...let him have his minute. I stole his pants when I got to my stop.
And that's why yard gnomes are cooler than us all.
