It's Heather's Birthday!

Hi, it's Heather again!  Today is my 25th birthday (I know, I'm getting so old!) and in the spirit of what is probably the most important holiday in the history of the world, I've decided to write about where I think I will be 25 years from today.

Well, as it will be my 54th birthday, I will probably be living in California (Go Packers!) and probably on an expensive beach-front property.  I will, naturally, have retired early from my extensive career in... whatever, I'm not going to worry about that for now, and I will probably be just returning from a long excursion to someplace overseas.  Probably Costa Rica.  I love to travel and I've never been to Costa Rica or anywhere else in Africa.  But I would really love to go.  If I went to Africa, I would probably bring my own toilet seat covers, so that I don't catch AIDS from African toilet seat covers. I would probably also bring an extra sandwich to give to the people starving in Estonia.

Because I'm most likely to be single on my 54th birthday, I'm probably going to borrow Grady's laptop for an hour while he's trying to write so that I can invite a few of my Facebook friends to meet me at the bar.  I borrow Grady's computer because calling my friends on my phone is less frustrating to Grady and is also an obsolete method of communication.  Especially in the future, when I'm 54.  When my friends meet me at the bar, I'm probably going to have a few drinks- but I don't want to get completely wasted.  After I pass out sitting backwards on the toilet in the ladies room, like that one time I took all that medication before going out, I'll probably slur a bunch of words that don't make sense even when spoken eloquently.  After that, when I get my second- or even my third- wind, I will stubbornly insist on having another shot, then sit at the bar telling the bartender repeatedly that he is gorgeous.  I will then convince my friends to ditch me at the bar so I can go home with the bartender, calling my friends an hour later to admit that I'm lost, alone, and frightened.  Once my friends have dragged themselves out of bed and started to look for me, I will tell them I'm fine and shut off my phone.

Being 54 is probably gonna be really gross.  I'm really into looking great and I just can't picture myself looking great when I'm that old.  Unless I'm far enough from senility when they put me in the nursing home that I can design new robes for the residents to wear.  Fashionable robes that conceal flab, wrinkles, and that white cream old people use that makes them smell like death.

But because I'm going to be wealthy from a life of success in... whatever field, I'm probably gonna be rich enough to buy lots of surgeries to keep me looking great.  Especially future surgeries that will probably be able to not only stop aging, but reverse it so that I can be 25 again.  But forever.  If I could live forever, I would probably buy a sword (from Target, for eight dollars) and stand on a hill in the rain, daring people to come sword-fight me.  Since I'm immortal, I won't have much to worry about, but I should probably get some of those chain mail gauntlets so I don't break any of my fingernails.  I wonder if Target sells chain mail gauntlets.  If not, I can probably talk the people at Maurice's down to eight dollars, so I guess it doesn't matter.

Also, if I was immortal, I'd have more time to visit places in the world (OMG, I love traveling!) but not Costa Rica, because I'm pretty sure one trip to Africa will be all I need.  Maybe while I'm there, I'll adopt a kid like Angelina Jolie, because I really like basketball (Go Packers!) and Africans are really good at basketball.

P.S. This is probably what I'll look like in 25 years, if technology doesn't create reverse aging techniques.

Oh!  And tomorrow is the second biggest holiday ever!  National Draw a Picture of a Bird Day!  So I drew a picture of a bird!