My Text Conversation with Heather

Monday, I had an interesting conversation via text message with everyone’s favorite Heather.  It has taken me a couple of days to post this, as I have been sleeping in the woods and howling at the moon in an effort to get closer to my inner beast.  I would have posted sooner, but unfortunately the woods only have mid-speed DSL and I like to listen to Santana on Slacker while I write. 

Anyhow, to set you up for the conversation, I will tell you that Heather had lost her car the previous night in a borderline lesbian adventure which involved alcohol and more women than Tiger Woods has bedded.  Her car was located on the other side of town and she didn’t want to walk to get it.  I, on the other hand, was anxious to get to the woods for homoerotic loincloths, campfires of Freudian proportions, and all the poison ivy I could wipe with in a lifetime.  Thus, I needed a ride to the middle of nowhere and offered to bring her car to her in return.

Grady

7:07pm

Get your car back by any chance?

Heather

7:08pm

Not yet.  She’s still fucked up.

Heather

7:08pm

I’m working on finding a ride.

Grady

7:09pm

:( My feet are killing me.  Definitely not up for hitching.

Heather

7:11pm

Yeah.  I considered walking to get my car... but decided against it.  If it were a little warmer I would...

Grady

7:11pm

Wear a jacket?

Heather

7:11pm

Nah...

Grady

7:13pm

That makes sense.  What was I thinking?

Heather

7:13pm

It won’t be enough...

Grady

7:14pm

Not that cold.  I should have just taken your keys.  I was in that area an hour ago.

Heather

7:17pm

I thought about that... Oh well.  No one can give me a ride though...

Grady

7:18pm

Guess I’ll just have to go get your keys...

Heather

7:27pm

If you feel like walking...

Grady

7:29pm

I don’t, but if we can work out a deal... I bring you your car and you leave me in the middle of nowhere.  We’re both happy?

Heather

7:30pm

If you keep your phone on all night.

Grady

7:32pm

Of course.  Unless the wolves eat this one, too :(  I barely got away last time...

Heather

7:39pm

Well let’s hope that doesn’t happen.

Grady

7:40pm

Kidding, Heather.  I don’t believe in wolves.

Heather

7:41pm

Ok, well I do considering I have a dog.

Grady

7:42pm

There aren’t any wolves in northern Illinois...

Heather

7:43pm

Well I still believe in them.

Grady

7:44pm

You really don’t get my sense of humor, do you?  I blame Oprah.

Heather

7:44pm

I don’t watch her.

Grady

7:46pm

I knew there was something I’d like about you.  It certainly isn’t your personality, but whatever.

Heather

7:51pm

Haha... thanks.

Grady

7:53pm

This conversation is being monitored by Socialists...

Heather

7:54pm

Where are you?

Grady

7:54pm

The number 3 bus.  They made me put on pants.

Heather

7:56pm

Stop it.

Grady

7:56pm

Putting on pants?  Ok, but you’ll have to explain to them how this was your idea.

Heather

7:59pm

Haha...

Grady

8:00pm

Blame it on your misshapen head.  Cranial compression could lead to poor decisions.

Heather

8:02pm

Very funny.

Grady

8:03pm

Eh, what do you know?  You don’t even believe in wolves...

Heather

8:55pm

Just checking up on you...

Grady

8:57pm

Walking as fast as I can.  Few more blocks.

Heather

8:58pm

Carie just called me... and said she would come get me...

Grady

9:00pm

Almost there.  Didn’t walk this far for nothing.

Heather

9:00pm

I know...

Grady

9:01pm

Your doors WERE locked.  On my way back.

Heather

9:02pm

Well YAY!

Grady

9:03pm

Haha just kidding.  Your car isn’t here.

Grady

9:05pm

I’m assuming it WAS locked though because there’s broken glass.

Heather

9:06pm

Yes it is... don’t lie to me.

Heather

9:06pm

Stop with the jokes and be for real...